Finding a piece of her past....

When we accepted the file of our sweet girl, we were given as much information on her past as is known. We know where she was found, who found her, how she was found and how old she was when she was found. While this makes her WHO she is, we feel that some of those details should be kept private, shared with her at a later time. Something that we were told we may be able to locate was called a "Finding Ad". When children are found abandoned, the City issues what is called a "finding ad" in the newspaper. It is exactly what it sound like...a photo of the child, telling where the child was found, how old they approximate the child to be and asks for anyone who knows the relatives of this child to come forward. No one ever does. Because of China's "One Child Rule", parents are forced to give up their second child, or even their first, if it happens to be a girl or a child born with an impairment. Boys are preferred because they will one day work for the family and make money for them. A stigma is attached to those born with deformities or impairments and so those children are also cast aside. While we will never know the reason behind our girl's abandonment, we can assume that it was either gender related or more likely related to her cleft lip.Parents do not have the money it takes to repair this condition and so many cleft babies are found abandoned. Luckily for us, this is a VERY treatable condition, and one that IS afforded, due to the excellent medical coverage provided here in the States.
In my research, I was given the name of a man who was known for tracking down old archives and finding these ads for adoptive parents. While we have very little birth info on our girl, this would be something huge to have. I sent him an email with all of her information...where, when and how she was found...
later that day I had an email from him. He had found her finding ad..and could even provide me with the actual newspaper of that day!! What a gift!
Well, yesterday it arrived.
I'm not sure I was ready for the impact it would have on me.
Holding that newspaper...seeing her face...reading the details (yes, he translated it for me!)
I was overwhelmed with emotion. I hadn't hadn't really "ached" for her until now.
She was abandoned, found, given care, and now she has a family waiting to love her...She NEEDS to come home. She no longer deserves to be alone, waiting to be held, fed and loved on. She needs to be HERE, NOW..

While the way her life began, will not shape who she becomes..it may offer her a glimpse one day into her past. After all, anything we can find of her is to be treasured...photos, info...anything..
We were fortunate that the City Orphanage had her cleft lip repaired around 9 months old. We feel that they were getting her " ready" to be presented to a family for possible adoption. Luckily for us, WE were the ones given her file in October. While we were told that she had had her lip repaired a month prior, and her photos indicated the surgery, we also received many photos of her before her surgery. While many people would shy away form looking at a cleft baby, I instantly fell in love that sweet big ole smile. I ached for her, because I knew of the difficulties that a cleft can bring, but I loved her just as much. Even though we have current photos now, and the difference is astonishing, I still find myself looking at her earlier photos..wanting to see her baby face. Studying every inch of her tender face. This is how I know that I was destined to be her Momma. Where most would see the imperfection, I see God's beauty at work..HIS design...and the sweetest face that pulls at my soul.I love her...cleft..or no cleft.
I love hearing our Boys talk about her photos. They have seen her baby pictures and know the difference in her appearance now, because of the surgery. I love hearing them point to her baby photo and say..."This is when Xin had a boo-boo on her lip". "And now the Doctors fixed it..But she still has a LITTLE boo boo..right??" They are so concerned for her..How did she eat? Did she hurt? Never judging...only concerned. They see that we are not all born perfect, but are just as deserving of love..
And LOVED, she IS......