Lookin Up

Well, I'm happy to report that after a little week of struggle (mostly on Mommas part), we are on the up swing. While I know that we will have our fair share of ups and downs, I'm just relishing this pleasant moment we are in. I'm determined this week WILL be better. I mean, it HAS to....right???
Alex started his 2nd round of antibiotics, Mia began a round (thanks to an overly kissy, lovey, germy brother), Brian started HIS 2nd dose of antibiotics since China, and I just finished my 2nd...did you keep up with all of that?? I mean...,geez....how the heck could there be ANY more germs in us???? Lets hope that the rise in temperature as the week progresses is an indication of how things are going to go for us...UP!!!!! After all, this is how we have ALL felt around here.....

I got to spend a little solo time with my favorite 7 year old at his annual Spring Festival held at his school. We got to "bond" and hang out, which I think I needed as much as he did. He was so excited about the DJ they were having in the Gym (I saw a scene from Diary of a Whimpy Kid play out in my mind, where the Mom and Son did the craziest dance)...I asked him if he wanted us to re-create it...he politely declined my offer to embarrass him immensely;-)). We enjoyed popcorn, jump castles and lots of ticket booth activities while we were there...it was a really fun night!!!!

Our silly 4 year old is keeping us laughing with the crazy off the wall things he says. The other day on the way home from preschool he informed me that he couldn't talk to me until he "turned his volume back up"....because he was to,d to "turn it down at school because he was too loud".... HIM??? Too loud??? Nahhh.......

He continues to just overly adore his new baby sister, and feels the need to kiss all over her (hence the now snotty nose) as often as he can. The other night, after a slew Of off the wall crazy topics of conversation..he actually switched gears on us and asked us the most serious question..." what did the mommy look like whose belly Mia came out of??".. We stopped in our tracks...not quite prepared for that one right then, and then just explained to him that we didn't know who she was, but that God knows, and he is making sure that SHE knows that Her little girl is being taken very good care of. That was enough to satisfy a busy 4 year old, and as quickly as the conversation turned serious, it took another turn toward silliness....

Miss Mia is just continuing to amaze us everyday. She is so happy, inquisitive and just the sweetest, tiniest thing I have ever seen. Sometimes I pick her up and just think..goodness....she is small!! In pictures, you just can't see HOW tiny..but trust me..she is a peanut!! 12 mos barely fitting her, wearing 6-9 mos shoes and little size 2 diapers (tiny toosh!!)

She loves to pull herself up, holding onto the couch or furniture. She will cruise the length of the couch, holding on..and letting go, for only a second or two. She still isn't sleeping THE schedule we would prefer, but I think we may be getting there. She will eventually sleep for 5 to 6 hour stretches, but they just aren't the 5-6 hours we would prefer! I'm really not certain why she can't seem to sleep restfully. I suppose that in the Orphanage, she never really "rested", although she spent MORE than enough time in a crib. I'm sure she probably shared a crib with another baby, and so ,that, coupled with all of the constant noises, probably made it difficult. You would think, however, that now that she has her OWN crib, with a nice cozy room, a noise machine to drown out outside sounds and some ohh so cozy sheets, that sweet girl would SLEEP!! Maybe. One day.We are still attempting small amounts of solid foods occasionally, but it always seems to be an epic fail..and nothing but a big mess. A little goes in...and then....right out of the nose...and then the crying starts! So, we will be transitioning her to a Stage 3 formula with is for much older toddlers, in hopes of getting her a few extra calories. We just hope that once her palate is closed, she will be able to eat solids and actually SWALLOW them.
Want to know an interesting fact about open palate kiddos?? Well, they are an open book to what they have put in their mouths. Case in point..yesterday, while I wasn't looking, she apparently found a leaf on the floor, and put it in her mouth. Five seconds later...ACHOO!!!!! A big ole sneeze..and out came the leaf..all of it, out of her nose!!  The other night, we were having noodles. Well, I don't have to paint a picture for you of how that meal went for her....the Boys got a laugh out of it, though :-(

I'm soooo happy to report that bath time is now a huge FUN part of our evenings!! She LOVES the tub and spends her time just splashing away!!! Thank The Lord.....our kids need to like the water!!! Since we live on the water, it's kind of a vital part of our lives!!! She will get introduced to the Lake this Summer!!! 15 months before ever experiencing a real bath in a bathtub.....priceless....

So, basically this past week has taught me that I need to realize that there will be ups and downs...rough days, easy days. We are in a transition period, as all families are who have added to their family...but at the end of the day (the LOOOOOONG day), (sorry..I just couldnt resist..)...we are a FAMILY.....a FAMILY that has always been STRONG, FAITHFUL,LOYAL and full of LOVE. We are now a family to this sweet precious little girl. And while there are sure to be days where she screams, cries and regresses.....we don't have to look very hard to see what this change means to her. It is written all over that big smile..
My prayer each night is that God will continue to bless me with the Wisdom it takes to care for these sweet,precious children that he has entrusted me with. I pray to be able to meet their needs, comfort their fragile hearts and wipe their tears when they fall. I pray that he will show us the many sides to our new Daughter, so that we may understand exactly HOW to care for her-when we don't understand what she needs. This is my biggest wish. To be the best Mother that I can be...after all...they deserve nothing less

We are a FAMILY...and Families are FOREVER..........

Blessings,
Angie

When I'm an Old Man......

Found this crumpled up at the bottom of my First Grader's book bag..
Don't know why, but it just made me start laughing out loud. It is SOOOOO Nick....

It reads......

"Eh...Sony Boy!" This is what I will look like when I am 100 years old. I will do Karate while I am wearing underwear. I will wear chap stick. I will break 100 smart boards. I will do these things. This is what I will do."

This one is most definitely a keeper..and will go in the box of treasured Artwork......
Thanks for making your Momma smile, sweet Boy.........

Surgery Consult and a little W(h)ine......

Well, apparently, I jumped the gun, while naming my last post "Finding our Groove". I, sadly, am having a hard time finding "that" groove. Maybe it's exhaustion, maybe it's emotions, but I have had a rough week. I have been fighting some sort of cold/virus ever since China, that seems to come and go. Couple that with waking every two to three hours for feedings...and it makes for some tough days around our house.It feels like post-partum..only I didn't "deliver" this child. (Please...if you are my Family, and reading this..Don't call a shrink...I will be fine!!) Mia is absolutely precious. Happier than I could have imagined. But I find myself stressing about meeting her needs in a timely manner, so that she can know that those needs, will in fact, be met..and that she is secure in knowing that. So, that means, watching her like a hawk. If she does cry, I rush to comfort her, console her,feed her. It's kind of like walking on egg shells. While most would say.."aww...kids are resilient...treat her just like you did your Boys". I have to disagree. Mia is NOT like my Boys were as infants. She has NOT had her needs met in a timely manner..she has NOT been consoled if she was fussy or sad...she has NOT been fed when she was hungry.....and so, because of this past neglect, I feel the intense need to "be at her beck and call".... Judge if you want, but until you have been there, you just can't understand. I think back to when our oldest Son contracted RSV at 4 months old, was hospitalized and put on a breathing tube for almost 8 days. Scariest time of my life. I came away from that experience scared to death of germs. I clean, sanitize, wash hands, more than the normal person does. To call me a germ-a-phobe is an understatement. A normal virus almost killed my Son. If germs could be THAT dangerous, I was going to do everything I could do to avoid them. People laughed at me...saying that my kids would now get "sicker" bc I was not allowing them to "experience" normal germs. Well...you spent almost 3 weeks in a Children's Hospital, watching your infant on a ventilator, where Doctors for almost 7 days would not even give us a straight answer on whether he would make it or not, because they simply did not know. Go through that, and see if it doesn't change the way you parent. I guess all of this is just coming from some strange need for me to "explain" why I am the way I am when it comes to Mia. I am over-protective and hovering...and I just hope that somehow people will not judge. I believe my motherly instincts to be pretty spot on, and I just hope that I am giving her (and my Boys) exactly what they need.
I struggle with guilt. Guilt over not spending enough time with my Boys. Can I just tell you AMAZiNG these Boys are??? Kind, caring, sweet, funny...I could go on and on. They managed to make it through (with only some VERY MINOR meltdowns) while we were away from them for almost 20 days. Who can say that about their kids? They have never been separated from us for nearly that long..and they hung in there. I am so very proud of them and try to let them know that everyday. I worry that I am neglecting them, rushing them, not giving them enough of the Mommy time that they are used to. We expect them to understand why..but why should they??? They didn't decide for us to add another sibling into the mix..much less a baby that would require so much attention. Don't get me wrong, they are doing just fine..but that's just one more worry added to my long list of concerns.

Yesterday, we met with the Craniofacial Surgeon who will repair Mia's open palate. Upon her exam, he considers her open palate to be "moderate" in severity. He has seen better, but has seen worse..ok..I guess we will take that. He had a clear cut plan on the repair. He will close all of the soft palate and almost all of the hard palate using cartilage (artificial, synthetic..that absorbs into the body). He will use the cartilage to temporarily close the large hole in the roof of her mouth, allowing her to eat and begin speaking. At age 7, she will have a second surgery to permanently close the palate using bone that will be grafted from her hip. This, obviously will be the more difficult surgery. One that we will tackle down the road. He examined the lip repair that was done in China, and while he says was not done "great", he says if he went to repair it again now, it would leave very thick scar tissue. He suggests leaving the scar alone for now. It may stretch and thin as her face grows. If, at age 7, we are still not pleased with the way it looks, he will repair it during the plate surgery. We still have to have a quick visit with the ENT to see if he suggests putting in tubes at the time of this first surgery. Since we don't have any prior health history or knowledge of past ear infections, he wants the ENT to decide if they are needed. Once we see him, we can then schedule the surgery.The Craniofacial Surgeon urged us to schedule ASAP, to quicken her chance to begin eating solids and be ready for Speech. We feel very confident with his plan and trust that she is in great hands. When she has the surgery, she will be hospitalized anywhere from 3 to 8 days..all depending on how quickly she can resume drinking from her bottle. She will continue on the bottle until she is ready and comfortable to transition to a sippy cup. Since the Surgeon says that staying on the bottle and drinking from a nipple will not affect her palate healing, we will keep her on her Cleft bottles through the surgery. Once she is healed we will try and introduce a cup. Again...another example of something I am just not ready to rush for her. Someone told me the other day that "US kids are always on a sippy cup by age 1!!" I remember feeling the stress to transition Nick to a sippy cup exactly at age 1 and even having people pick on us when he was late to start one...well..I've never seen 8 year olds running around drinking out of bottles OR sippy cups..so here again, is an issue, people need to refrain from having an "opinion" about!!
Grrr...maybe I should have written this post on a happier day....lol.....

Well, since the tone of this particular post has been so doom and gloom..I will end it on a high note...
With some of the MANY faces of Mia Xin.....(all of which we are completely smitten with)

 We like to call that one...the "Chinese stink eye".......

And some of Mia getting spoiled......

And let's not forget......Chinese Bed Head....

Well, friends...thanks for letting me vent a little and express some of my woes. I may find that blogging is cheaper than therapy.....

Blessings...ABUNDANT blessings,
Angie

Finding our groove

Well, it is hard to believe that it has been ONE MONTH  since first meeting and holding our precious little girl. When I think back to that day, I am filled with all different emotions. Mostly, the same emotions I experienced on the days I gave birth to my Boys....pure excitement, an overwhelming love and a tad bit of fear/anxiety. All of these emotions were felt a month ago, along with an overwhelming sadness. The sadness came when they handed me this week, tiny girl, who was in total shock, sick and just an inconsolable mess. How could my heart not break for her. I would soon come to learn how she had spent her first 15 mos of life, so very different than our Boys. An orphan, with no parents who were able to love her and care for her. She didn't know what it FELT like to be held and consoled....

BUT......

She does NOW!!!
We are SLOWLY finding our groove. 2 weeks home and TRYING to find a routine. Sometimes I feel as if we are simply surviving. I am able to get everyone fed, clothed, bathed, homework done, snuggle time with each kiddo......and that's about it. The dishes are still piling in the sink. The clothes hampers overflowing, and the house "appears" clean on the surface....but....

I haven't had a full night of sleep since the night before we got Mia (probably should get used to that, bc I don't see that changing anytime soon), bathroom breaks have resumed to require the door OPeN at all times, and I now have a jumper-roo standing outside of my shower, so that Mia can see me while Im attempting to stay clean. Maybe by the time Summer rolls around, I will be able to shave a WHOLE leg again.

The Boys are doing amazing. Continuing with Karate. They both earned their next belts, while we were in China. They keep me laughing with the silly things that come out of their mouths. Yesterday, Nick informed we that we needed to go back to China soon, because he needed another Brother to sit in the back of the car with him. He went on to say that he would like this next child to be older and that he would help me with all of the paperwork. ....wow.....pretty amazing thoughts for a 7 year old.
They are just so in love with their Sister and the other day told me they only wished we had found her when she was "just born". Me too, Boys....me too.

This weekend, we traveled to the Coast to fix up the beach house for rental season. Mia got to see the Ocean ,and since it was still much to cold for swimming, the Boys are begging to come back as soon as it warms up.

This week we prepare for Mia's surgery consult with the CleftTeam. In case any of you are unfamiliar with Mia's medical condition; she was born with a congenital cleft lip AND palate (roof of mouth). She basically had no upper lip at birth (which was corrected in China). Her palate is still very open (which essentially means she has no bone in the roof of her mouth. It is completely open and leads straight up to her nose). It makes drinking very difficult and eating nearly impossible. Anything she does eat or drink, eventually comes out of her nose, which makes for one cranky baby. Most cleft babies to not have a suck reflex and have to be fed with special bottles that allow you to squeeze the milk into their mouth for them to swallow. (Kind of like feeding a  baby bird). To our surprise, probably as a survival mechanism, Mia can actually suck a bottle. She does need the special nipples that come with the cleft bottles (much wider holes), but she is able to manage to drink on her own. That is a huge plus! We will meet with the Team which consists of a Craniofacial Surgeon (who will close her palate), and ENT and a plastic Surgeon. I have to admit that I am getting very nervous about the visits and even more so, about her impending surgery. She is adjusting so well to her new surroundings, my fear is that we will regress in our attempts to bond with her. It already breaks my heart to know the pain that she will face with the surgery and recovery, but know that these surgeries are needed to improve her quality of life. At least she HAS the opportunity for the repair..and she will have a loving family there to hold her, the whole way through.

We also met with our Social Worker for our first post-adoption visit. Would you believe that China requires that we have home visits with our Social Worker for 6 YEARS?!? I will just keep those thoughts to myself, and smile through the visits. We have a wonderful Social Worker, Jill, who will get us through the visits as painlessly as possible.

Well, since I took the time to update this blog, that meant one more load of laundry got pushed aside..so, I'd better get back to my Mommy duties..
So glad there are still some of you out there following along!!!

Next blog will update Mia's surgery plan....

Blessings,
Angie

Less than a week

In less than a week since being home, I have seen, firsthand, what love, hugs, nurturing and support can do for a child. When I think back to the first week, when they placed our Daughter in our arms, my heart starts to cringe. What a sad, scared little girl she was. Never loved, seldom ever held and unaware of how powerful those things could truly be, if she was ever given the chance to experience them. My heart broke in half for her. I cried, prayed, worried. Would she soften and come to trust us?? I knew the answer to be YES, but my heart was in the moment, and at THAT moment, she was grieving and shutting down on us. If catatonic is a word...that was how she was. Petrified..screaming her head off.....I worried that I just may scare this little being to death!!!
Fast forward to less than one full week HOME....

I can honestly say that this sweet girl has experienced PURE JOY everyday!!! She laughs, cackles, and beams these huge smiles that send this Momma over the edge and into TEARS!! The Boys will often ask me.."Mommy why are you crying when Mia is laughing??". Because. Because I have seen where she came from...and where she is now.....and it reminds me that our God is a faithful GOD..full of promise, hope and goodness....and I see it, every time I look into her almond shaped eyes.

This little thing has had her world rocked in the last 3 weeks. Taken from a cold Orphanage, where she fed herself, was rarely changed, seldom picked up....But..that was her NORMAL. What she was used to.
Then she met us. We wanted to kiss her all over, feed her (ourselves), change her clothes and diapers (regularly) and even stick her in this strange thing called a bathtub..everyday!!! What in the world!!!
We had to take a step back and realize that all of these things combined, may just be too much for her. So, we will just stick to the important stuff...constant hugs, smiles, and getting that severe diaper rash under control (yikes!! I have never seen anything quite like it!!..think burn victim) We are letting her feed herself her bottles , since she is used to that...and we are holding off on the baths (which seem to send her into another stratosphere) and just resorted to warm sponge baths (a little less traumatic). I try not to change her outfits three times a day (like i thought i would want to with a little girl!!). She doesn't like being naked or having her diaper changed..which i totally get.
She has encountered so many firsts, which are truly amazing to watch. She has met family and friends, discovered toys, and began to learn how to explore her new home. It is so heart warming to sit back and watch her take it all in. She seems to like her crib and is sleeping "fairly well". I only feed her one bottle in the middle of the night, and she seems to sleep contently for the "second stretch" of her night.The Boys are simply head over heels in love with her. They are the best big brothers and are so kind and attentive to her needs. She just beams when she sees them.
Someone mentioned to me early on in our adoption process that "they could never raise someone Else's child".....For some reason, I keep coming back to that comment. This little girl is OUR child. God knew her plans..her destiny...HE knew that her Birth parents would be unable to keep her...and at the same time, HE knew how much we longed to love a little girl. I am so eternally grateful for HIS goodness. Adoption can't be described any other way that HIS will. It is truly a blessing.
When I look into her eyes, I am overcome with love. When  they handed her to me n that day in the Civil Affairs office in China..I had the very same feeling as when my Doctor placed my two newborn Boys on my body, after delivering them. It was every bit the EXACT same feeling. Here was the little girl I had been dreaming of, praying for and longing to hold..and she was MINE....
We are settling (slowly) into our "routine". I have seemed frazzled, overwhelmed and emotional this week..but I have to keep reminding myself, that it is just like coming home from the hospital after giving birth, a week later. We will find our groove, eventually. But for now, we are enjoying the peace that comes from all being under one roof together. The toys are strewn all over the place, the dishes are piled up, the laundry is overflowing..but we are together and complete.
Here are some shots from our first week home!!

Blessings,
Angie