Surgery Consult and a little W(h)ine......

Well, apparently, I jumped the gun, while naming my last post "Finding our Groove". I, sadly, am having a hard time finding "that" groove. Maybe it's exhaustion, maybe it's emotions, but I have had a rough week. I have been fighting some sort of cold/virus ever since China, that seems to come and go. Couple that with waking every two to three hours for feedings...and it makes for some tough days around our house.It feels like post-partum..only I didn't "deliver" this child. (Please...if you are my Family, and reading this..Don't call a shrink...I will be fine!!) Mia is absolutely precious. Happier than I could have imagined. But I find myself stressing about meeting her needs in a timely manner, so that she can know that those needs, will in fact, be met..and that she is secure in knowing that. So, that means, watching her like a hawk. If she does cry, I rush to comfort her, console her,feed her. It's kind of like walking on egg shells. While most would say.."aww...kids are resilient...treat her just like you did your Boys". I have to disagree. Mia is NOT like my Boys were as infants. She has NOT had her needs met in a timely manner..she has NOT been consoled if she was fussy or sad...she has NOT been fed when she was hungry.....and so, because of this past neglect, I feel the intense need to "be at her beck and call".... Judge if you want, but until you have been there, you just can't understand. I think back to when our oldest Son contracted RSV at 4 months old, was hospitalized and put on a breathing tube for almost 8 days. Scariest time of my life. I came away from that experience scared to death of germs. I clean, sanitize, wash hands, more than the normal person does. To call me a germ-a-phobe is an understatement. A normal virus almost killed my Son. If germs could be THAT dangerous, I was going to do everything I could do to avoid them. People laughed at me...saying that my kids would now get "sicker" bc I was not allowing them to "experience" normal germs. Well...you spent almost 3 weeks in a Children's Hospital, watching your infant on a ventilator, where Doctors for almost 7 days would not even give us a straight answer on whether he would make it or not, because they simply did not know. Go through that, and see if it doesn't change the way you parent. I guess all of this is just coming from some strange need for me to "explain" why I am the way I am when it comes to Mia. I am over-protective and hovering...and I just hope that somehow people will not judge. I believe my motherly instincts to be pretty spot on, and I just hope that I am giving her (and my Boys) exactly what they need.
I struggle with guilt. Guilt over not spending enough time with my Boys. Can I just tell you AMAZiNG these Boys are??? Kind, caring, sweet, funny...I could go on and on. They managed to make it through (with only some VERY MINOR meltdowns) while we were away from them for almost 20 days. Who can say that about their kids? They have never been separated from us for nearly that long..and they hung in there. I am so very proud of them and try to let them know that everyday. I worry that I am neglecting them, rushing them, not giving them enough of the Mommy time that they are used to. We expect them to understand why..but why should they??? They didn't decide for us to add another sibling into the mix..much less a baby that would require so much attention. Don't get me wrong, they are doing just fine..but that's just one more worry added to my long list of concerns.

Yesterday, we met with the Craniofacial Surgeon who will repair Mia's open palate. Upon her exam, he considers her open palate to be "moderate" in severity. He has seen better, but has seen worse..ok..I guess we will take that. He had a clear cut plan on the repair. He will close all of the soft palate and almost all of the hard palate using cartilage (artificial, synthetic..that absorbs into the body). He will use the cartilage to temporarily close the large hole in the roof of her mouth, allowing her to eat and begin speaking. At age 7, she will have a second surgery to permanently close the palate using bone that will be grafted from her hip. This, obviously will be the more difficult surgery. One that we will tackle down the road. He examined the lip repair that was done in China, and while he says was not done "great", he says if he went to repair it again now, it would leave very thick scar tissue. He suggests leaving the scar alone for now. It may stretch and thin as her face grows. If, at age 7, we are still not pleased with the way it looks, he will repair it during the plate surgery. We still have to have a quick visit with the ENT to see if he suggests putting in tubes at the time of this first surgery. Since we don't have any prior health history or knowledge of past ear infections, he wants the ENT to decide if they are needed. Once we see him, we can then schedule the surgery.The Craniofacial Surgeon urged us to schedule ASAP, to quicken her chance to begin eating solids and be ready for Speech. We feel very confident with his plan and trust that she is in great hands. When she has the surgery, she will be hospitalized anywhere from 3 to 8 days..all depending on how quickly she can resume drinking from her bottle. She will continue on the bottle until she is ready and comfortable to transition to a sippy cup. Since the Surgeon says that staying on the bottle and drinking from a nipple will not affect her palate healing, we will keep her on her Cleft bottles through the surgery. Once she is healed we will try and introduce a cup. Again...another example of something I am just not ready to rush for her. Someone told me the other day that "US kids are always on a sippy cup by age 1!!" I remember feeling the stress to transition Nick to a sippy cup exactly at age 1 and even having people pick on us when he was late to start one...well..I've never seen 8 year olds running around drinking out of bottles OR sippy cups..so here again, is an issue, people need to refrain from having an "opinion" about!!
Grrr...maybe I should have written this post on a happier day....lol.....

Well, since the tone of this particular post has been so doom and gloom..I will end it on a high note...
With some of the MANY faces of Mia Xin.....(all of which we are completely smitten with)

 We like to call that one...the "Chinese stink eye".......

And some of Mia getting spoiled......

And let's not forget......Chinese Bed Head....

Well, friends...thanks for letting me vent a little and express some of my woes. I may find that blogging is cheaper than therapy.....

Blessings...ABUNDANT blessings,
Angie